1.All-American Prophet
You all know the Bible
Is made of Testaments old and new
You been told it's just those two parts
Or only one if you're a Jew
But what if I were to tell you
There's a fresh third part out there
Which was found by a hip new prophet
Who had a little Donny Osmond flair？
Have you heard of the All-American Prophet？
The blonde-haired, blue-eyed voice of God
He didn't come from the Middle East
Like those other holy men
No, God's favorite prophet was All-American
I'm gonna take you back to Biblical times, 1823
An American man named Joe living on a farm
In the holy land of Rochester, New York
You mean the Mormon Prophet Joseph Smith？
That's right, that young man spoke to God
He spoke to God, and God said
'Joe, people really need to know that the Bible
Isn't two parts, there's a part three to the Bible, Joe
And I, God, have anointed you to dig up this part three
That is buried by a tree on a hill in your backyard'
Wow, God says go to your backyard and start digging？
That makes perfect sense
Joseph Smith went up on that hill
And dug where he was told
And deep in the ground
Joseph found shining plates of gold
'What are these Golden Plates？
Who buried them here and why？'
Then appeared an Angel
His name was Moroni 'I am Moroni'
The All-American Angel
My people lived here long, long ago
This is a history of my race
Please read the words within
We were Jews who met with Christ
But we were All-American
But don't let anybody see these plates except for you
They are only for you to see
Even if people ask you to show the Plates to them, don't
Just copy them onto normal paper
Even though this might make them question
If the Plates are real or not
This is sort of what God is going for
Joseph took the Plates home
And wrote down what he found inside
He turned those Plates into a book
Then he rushed into town and cried
'Hey, God spoke to me and gave me
This blessed ancient tome
He hath commanded me to publish it
And stick it in every home'
Wow, so the Bible is actually a trilogy
And The Book of Mormon is Return of the Jedi？
I'm interested
Now many people didn't believe the Prophet Joseph Smith
They thought he'd made up this part three
That was buried by a tree on the hill in his backyard
'Liar' But Joe said 'This is no lie
Speak to God all the time
And he told me to head West'
'So I'll take my part three from the hill with the tree
Feel free if you'd like to come along with me
To the Promised Land'
'The Promised Land？'
'Paradise on the West Coast
Nothing but fruit and fields as far as the eye can see'
Have you heard of the All-American Prophet？
He found a brand new book about Jesus Christ
We are following him to Paradise
We call ourselves Mormon
And our new religion is All-American
Wow, how much does it cost？
The Mormons kept on searching for
That place to settle down
And every time they thought they'd found it
They got kicked out of town
And even though people wanted
To see the Golden Plates
Joseph never showed 'em
I have maggots in my scrotum
Umm okay, well, anyway
Now comes the part of our story
That get a little bit sad
On the way to the Promised Land
Mormons made people mad
Joseph was shot by an angry mob
And knew he'd soon be done
'You must lead the people now
My good friend, Brigham Young'
'Oh God, why are you letting me die
Without having me show people the Plates
They'll have no proof I was telling the truth or not
They'll have to believe it just 'cause
Oh, I guess that's kinda what you were going for'
The Prophet Joseph Smith died for what he believed in
But as followers, they kept heading West
And Brigham Young led them to Paradise
A sparkling land in Utah they called Salt Lake City
And there, the Mormons multiplied
And made big Mormon families
Generation after generation
Until finally, they made me
And now it's my job to lead you
Where those early settlers were led long ago
Have you heard of the All-American Prophet？
(Kevin Price)
The next in line to be the voice of God
(My best friend)
He's gonna do something incredible
And be Joseph Smith again
Because Kevin Price the Prophet is All-American
If you order now
We'll also throw in a set of steak knives
All-American
2.Spooky Mormon Hell Dream
Long ago when I was five
I snuck in the kitchen late at night
And ate a doughnut with a maple glaze
My father asked who ate the snack
I said that it was my brother Jack
And Jack got grounded for fourteen days
I've lived with that guilt all of my life
And the terrible vision that I had that night
No, please! I don't wanna' go back
Down, down thy soul is cast
From the Earth whence forth ye fell
The path of fire leads thee
To spooky Mormon hell dream
Welcome back to spooky Mormon hell dream
You are having a spooky Mormon hell dream now
And now I've gone and done it again
(Rectus)
I committed another awful sin
(Dominus)
I left my mission companion all alone
(Spookytus)
Oh God, how could I have done this to you？
(Deus)
How could I break rule seventy-two？
(Creepyus)
And now my soul has just been thrown
Back into spooky Mormon Hell dream
Down, down to Satan's realm
See where you belong
There is nothing you can do
No escape from spooky Mormon Hell dream
You blamed your brother for eating
The doughnut and now you walk out
On your mission companion, tch, you're a dick
Jesus, I'm sorry
Jesus hates you, this we know
For Jesus just told you so
You remember Lucifer？
He is even spookier
Minions of Hades, have you heard the news？
Kevin was caught playing hooky
Now he's back with all you Cath'lics and Jews
It's super spooky-wooky
I'm sorry, Lord, it was selfish of me
To break the rules, please I don't wanna' be
In this spooky Mormon Hell dream
Spooky Mormon Hell dream
Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler, Johnnie Cochran
The spirits all surround you
Spooky, spooky, spooky
I started a war who killed millions of Jews
I slaughtered the Chinese
I stabbed a guy and fucked his corpse
I got OJ free
You think that's bad？ I broke rule seventy-two
(Gasps)
I left my companion, I'm way worse than you
I hate this spooky Mormon hell dream
(Spooky Mormon Hell dream)
Oh, Heavenly Father
(Ah)
Please give me one more chance
(Ah)
I won't break the rules again
(Ah)
I can't believe Jesus called me a dick
Welcome, welcome to spooky Mormon hell dream
You are never waking up from spooky
Mormon hell dream
Oh, please help me Father
(Down, down thy soul is cast)
Please let me wake up
(From the earth whence forth ye fell)
Give me one more chance
(This must be it, you must be there)
I won't let you down again
(You must be in spooky Mormon hell dream now)
3.Hasa Diga Eebowai
In this part of Africa, we all have a saying
Whenever something bad happens
We just throw our hands to the sky and say
'Hasa Diga Eebowai'
Hasa Diga Eebowai？
It's the only way to get through all these troubled times
There's war, poverty, famine
But having a saying makes it all seem better
There isn't enough food to eat
Hasa Diga Eebowai
People are starving in the street
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Well, that's pretty neat
Does it mean 'No worries for the rest of our days？'
Kind of, we've had no rain in several days
Hasa Diga Eebowai
And eighty percent of us have AIDS
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Many young girls here get circumsized
Their clits get cut right off
And so we say up to the sky
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Now you try, just stand up tall
Tilt your head to the sky
And list off the bad things in your life
Somebody took our luggage away
Hasa Diga Eebowai
The plane was crowded, and the bus was late
Hasa Diga Eebowai
When the world is getting you down
There's nobody else to blame
Raise your middle finger to the sky
And curse his rotten name
(Wait, what？)
Hasa Diga Eebowai
(Am I saying that right？)
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Excuse me sir
But what exactly does that phrase mean？
Well, let's see, Eebowai means 'God'
And Hasa Diga means 'Fuck you'
So I guess in English it would be, 'Fuck you, God'
Hasa Diga Eebowai
(What？)
When God fucks you in the butt
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Fuck God right back in his cunt
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Excuse me, sir, but you should really
Not be saying that
Things aren't always as bad as they seem
Oh, really？
Well, take this fucking asshole M'tumbo here
He got caught last week trying to rape a baby
But, why？
So people in his tribe believe that having
Sex with a virgin will cure the AIDS
There aren't many virgins left, so some of them
Are turning to babies
But that's horrible
I know
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Here's the butcher, he has AIDS
Here's the teacher, she has AIDS
Here's the doctor, he has AIDS
Here's my daughter, she has a
Wonderful disposition
She's all I have left in the world
And if either of you lays a hand on her
I will give you my AIDS
If you don't like what we say
Try living here a couple days
Watch all of your friends and family die
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Fuck you
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Fuck you God in the ass, mouth, and cunt
Fuck you God in the ass, mouth, and cunt
Fuck you God in the ass, mouth, and cunt
Fuck you in the eye
Fuck you God in the ass, mouth, and cunt
Fuck you God in the ass, mouth, and cunt
Fuck you God in the ass, mouth, and cunt
Fuck you in the other eye
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai
Hasa Diga Eebowai, Hasa Diga
Fuck you God in the cunt
4.Turn It Off
I got a feelin' that you could be feelin'
A whole lot better than you feel today
You say you got a problem
Well, that's no problem
It's super easy not to feel that way
When you start to get confused
Because of thoughts in your head
Don't feel those feelings, hold them in instead
Turn it off like a light switch
Just go, click
It's a cool little Mormon trick
We do it all the time
When you're feeling certain feelings
That just don't seem right
Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light
And turn 'em off, light a light switch
Just go back
Really, what's so hard about that
Turn it off, turn it off
When I was young my dad
Would treat my mom real bad
Every time the Utah Jazz would lose
He'd start a drinkin' and I'd start a thinkin'
How'm I gonna keep my mom from getting abused
I'd see her all scared and my soul was dyin'
My dad would say to me
Now don't you dare start cryin'
Turn it off like a light switch
Just go flick
It's our nifty little Mormon trick
Turn it off, turn it off
My sister was a dancer but she got cancer
The doctor said she still had two months more
I thought she had time, so I got in line
For the new iPhone at the Apple Store
She lay there dying with my father and mother
Her very last words were, 'Where is my brother？'
Turn it off
(Yeah)
Bid those sad feelings adieu
The fear that I might get cancer, too
When I was in fifth grade I had a friend, Steve Glade
He and I were close as two friends could be
One thing led to another and soon I would discover
I was having really strange feelings for Steve
I thought about us on a deserted island
We'd swim naked in the sea and then he'd try and whoa
Turn it off like a light switch
There, it's gone
(Good for you)
My hetero side just won
I'm all better now
Boys should be with girls
That's Heavenly Father's plan
So if you ever feel
You'd rather be with a man, turn it off
Well Elder McKinley, I think it's okay
That you're having gay thoughts
Just so long as you never act upon them
No 'cause then you're just keeping it down
Like a dimmer switch on low
Thinking nobody needs to know
But that's not true
Being gay is bad but lyin' is worse
So just realize you have a curable curse
And turn it off, turn it off, turn it off
Now how do you feel？
The same
Then you've only got yourself to blame
You didn't pretend hard enough
Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes
And find the box that's gay and crush it, okay
No, no, I'm not having gay thoughts
Alright, it worked
Turn it off , turn it off, turn it off
Like a light switch, just go click
(Click, click)
What a cool little Mormon trick
(Trick trick)
We do it all the time
When you're feeling certain feelings that don't seem right
Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light
Turn it off like a light switch on a cord
Now he's isn't gay any
Turn it, turn it, turn it off
5.Two By Two
Do you have any idea where they're sending you
Elder Price？
Well, of course we don't really have
Final say over where we get sent
But, I have been praying to be sent to
My favorite place in the whole world
Well, if you prayed for a location
I'm sure Heavenly Father will make it happen
You're like the smartest, best, most deserving
Elder the center's ever seen
Aw, c'mon, you guys
The most important time of a Mormon kid's life
Is his mission
A chance to go out and help heal the world
That's my mission
Soon I'll be off in a different place
Helping the whole human race
I know my mission will be something incredible
Elders, form a line and step forward
When your name is called, Elder Young
Yes, sir
Your mission brother will be Elder Grant
That's me, hey, brother
And your mission location is Norway
Oh wow, Norway, land of gnomes and trolls
Two by two
We're marching door to door
'Cause God loves Mormons
And he wants some more
A two-year mission is our sacrifice
We are the Army of the Church of Jesus Christ
Of Latter-Day Saints
Two by two and today we'll know
Who will make the journey
When and where we'll go
We're fighting for a cause
But we're really, really nice
We are the Army of the Church of Jesus Christ
Of Latter-Day Saints
Elder White and Elder Smith
Oh, I knew we'd get paired together
Your location will be France
France, land of pastries and turtlenecks
Two by two, I guess it's you and me
We're off to reach across land and sea
Satan has ahold of France
We need to knock him off his perch
We are the Soldiers of the Army of the Church
Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
Elder Cross and Elder Green
You will be serving in Japan
Oh, Japan, land of soy sauce
And Mothra
Elder Harris and Elder Brown
Heavenly Father
Where will I go on my mission？
Will it be China
Or Old Mexico on my mission？
It could be San Fran by the bay
Australia where they say, 'G'day'
But I pray I'm sent to my favorite place
Orlando, I love you, Orlando
Sea World and Disney
And Putt-Putt Golfing
Elder Price
Yes, sir
Your brother will be Elder Cunningham
That's me, that's me, hello
Oh, hi
And your mission location is Uganda
Uganda, Uganda, cool, where is that？
Africa
Oh boy, like Lion King
Two by two and now it's time to go
Our paths have been revealed
So let's start the show
Our shirts are clean and pressed
And our haircuts are precise
We are the Army of the Church
We are the Army of the Church
We are the Army of the Church of Jesus Christ
Two by two, we march for victory
Armed with the greatest book in history
We'll convert everyone
All across the planet Earth
That is the beauty of, the essence of
The purpose of, the mission of
The soldiers of the Army of the Church of Jesus Christ
Of Latter-Day Saints
6.I Am Here For You
I'd do anything for you, I'm your best friend
Well, alright then, let's get some sleep, huh？
Yeah, so tired
Sleep now little buddy
Put your cares away
Nappy with a happy face
Tomorrow's a Latter Day
What are you doing？
I'm just trying to make you feel better
I feel fine but this is what I'm talking about, Elder
Our focus needs to be on our work
Do you understand how difficult this is gonna be？
The missionaries here have yet to bring
A single person to the Church
Well, if they had already baptised
A bunch of Africans here, then it wouldn't be
So incredible when you did it
Now would it？
I guess, I guess that's kinda true
Don't forget what you told me
You are awesome, together, we're gonna bring
Lots of Africans to the Church
And then, my dad will finally feel proud of me
Instead of just feeling stuck with me
You know what, Elder？
I think your dad's got plenty
To be proud of right now
Really？ Yeah
Evening star shines brightly
God makes life anew
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
And I am here for you
I am here for you, too
We are here for us
Goodnight, best friend
Goodnight, pal
7.I Believe
Ever since I was a child, I tried to be the best
So what happened？
My family and friends all said I was blessed
So what happened？
It was supposed to be all so exciting
To be teaching of Christ 'cross the sea
But I allowed my faith to be shaken
Oh, what's the matter with me？
I've always longed to help the needy
To do the things I never dared
This was the time for me to step up
So then why was I so scared？
A warlord who shoots people in the face
What's so scary about that？
I must trust that my Lord is mightier
And always has my back
Now I must be completely devout
I can't have even one shred of doubt
I believe that the Lord God created the universe
I believe that he sent his only son to die for my sins
And I believe that ancient Jews built boats
And sailed to America
I am a Mormon and a Mormon just believes
You cannot just believe part-way
You have to believe in it all
My problem was doubting the Lord's will
Instead of standing tall
I can't allow myself to have any doubt
It's time to set my worries free
Time to show the world what Elder Price is about
And share the power inside of me
I believe that God has a plan for all of us
I believe that plan involves me getting my own planet
And I believe that the current President of the Church
Thomas Monson, speaks directly to God
I am a Mormon
And, dang it, a Mormon just believes
(A Mormon just believes)
I know that I must go and do the things my God commands
(Things my God commands)
I realize now why he sent me here
If you ask the Lord in faith, he will always answer you
Just believe in him and have no fear
(General, we have an intruder, He just walked right into camp)
I believe that Satan has a hold of you
I believe that the Lord God has sent me here
And I believe that in 1978
God changed his mind about black people
(Black people)
You can be a Mormon
A Mormon who just believes
(The fuck is this？)
And now I can feel the excitement
This is the moment I was born to do
And I feel so incredible to be sharing my faith with you
The scriptures say that if you ask in faith
If you ask God himself, you'll know
But you must ask him without any doubt
And let your spirit grow
(Let your spirit grow)
I believe that God lives on a planet called Kolob
I believe that Jesus has his own planet as well
And I believe that the Garden of Eden
Was in Jackson County, Missouri
If you believe, the Lord will reveal it
And you'll know it's all true, you'll just feel it
You'll be a Mormon
And, by gosh, a Mormon just believes
(A Mormon just believes)
(Just believe, a Mormon just believes)
Oh, I believe
(Just believe, a Mormon just)
I believe
(Believes)
8.Tomorrow Is A Latter Day
We are still Latter Day Saints, all of us
Even if we change some things
Or or we break the rules
Or we have complete doubt that God exists
We can still all work together
And make this our paradise planet
You, you want to stay here with me？
I'd do anything for you
You're my best friend
Don't worry little buddy
Know this much is true
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
And I am here for you
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
I am a Latter Day Saint
(Latter Day)
I help all those I can
I see my friends through times of joy and sorrow
Times of joy and sorrow)
What happens when we're dead
(Who cares now？)
We shouldn't think that far ahead
The only latter day that matters is tomorrow
The skies are clear and now the suns coming out
It's a Latter Day tomorrow
(Hiyiya)
Put your worries and your sorrows and your cares away
And focus on a Latter Day
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
(Whoo)
I am a Latter Day saint
Along with all my town
We always sit together come what may
We love to dance and shout
And let all the feelings out
And work to make a better Latter Day
Hum na-haya, hum, hum na-haya
We'll be here for each other every step of the way
And make a Latter Day tomorrow
(Hum na-haya)
Americans already found a cure for AIDS
But they're saving it for a Latter Day
(Yeah)
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
I believe
(Tomorrow is a Latter Day)
I believe
(Love and joy and all the things that matter day)
I believe
(Tomorrow is a bigger, badder Latter Day)
I believe
(Tomorrow, tomorrow is a Latter Day)
I believe
(A happy ending on a platter day)
I believe
(Tomorrow is a doper, phatter Latter Day)
Why are Mormons happy？
It's because we know
It's a Latter Day tomorrow
So if you're sad put you're hands together and pray
That tomorrow's gonna be a Latter Day
And then it probably will be a Latter Day
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
So what will tomorrow bring？
What does the future hold？
I can almost see it now
Hello, my name is Elder Matumbo
And I would like to share with you the most amazing book
Hello
(Hello)
My name is Sister Kimbe
It's a book about a people
Who were poor and sad like you
A sacred text
(Hello)
Of pioneers and frogs
(Fuck frogs)
And how you can find salvation
If you if you just believe
Hi ho
(Ding dong)
Hello
(Boba Fett)
You have a lovely mud hut
And if you just put down the gun
I'll show you, oh, ok, I'll leave
Hello
(Hello)
My name is Elder Galli
You will love all of the happiness
This book can bring
Hello
(Hello)
My name is Elder Butt-Fucking-Naked
Did you know that the clitoris
Is a holy sacred thing？
Find paradise
(With Jesus Christ)
And no more war
(Hello, nice door)
You read that Book of Mormon
Did you know there's more？
We swear
(We really care)
This is not a scam
(No ma'am)
Have you heard the story of our
Prophet Arnold Cunningham？
(Arnold Cunningham, hello Arnold Cunningham)
(Hello Arnold Cunningham, hello)
Hello
(Hello)
Our church is going strong
(Hello)
And if you let us in we'll show you
How you can belong
(Hello)
Join our family
(Hello)
And set your spirit free
(Hello, hello)
We can fully guarantee you that
This book will change your life
(Hello)
This book will change your life
(Hello)
This book will change your life
(Book will change)
This book will change your life
The book of Arnold
Hello
We are Latter Day Saints
(Yeah)
We take like one day at a time
When the chips are down we know just what to say
(We know just what to say)
The past may be in tatters
But today is all that matters
(Hum na-haya)
Because today is yesterday's Latter Day
(Hoo, hoo, hoo, oho, oho)
Thank you God
Ma ha nei bu, Eebowai
Tomorrow is a Latter Day
(I still have maggots in my scrotum)
9.Hello!
Hello, my name is Elder Price
And I would like to share with you
The most amazing book
Hello, my name is Elder Grant
It's a book about America
A long, long time ago
It has so many awesome parts
You simply won't believe
How much this book can change your life
Hello, my name is Elder Green
I would like to share with you
This book of Jesus Christ
Hello, my name is Elder Young
(Hello)
Did you know that Jesus
Lived here in the USA？
You can read all about it now
(Hello)
In this nifty book, it's free
No you don't have to pay
(Hello)
Hello, my name is Elder Smith
And can I leave this book with you
For you to just peruse？
(Hello)
Hello
(Hello)
I'll just leave it here
It has a lot of information
You can really use
Hello
(Hi)
My name is
(Jesus Christ)
You have a lovely home
(Hello)
It's an amazing book
Bonjour
(Hola, Ni Hao)
Me Llamo Elder White
(Are these your kids？)
This book gives you
The secret to eternal life
(Sound good？)
Eternal life
(Jesus Christ)
Is super fun
(Hello, ding dong)
And if you let us in
We'll show you how it can be done
(No thanks)
You sure
(Oh, well)
That's fine
(Goodbye)
Have fun in hell
(Hey, now)
You simply won't believe
How much this book will change your life
Hello, would you like to change religions？
I have a free book written by Jesus
No, no Elder Cunningham
That's not how we do it
You're making things up again
Just stick to the approved dialogue
Elders, show him
Hello
(Hello)
My name is
(Elder Cunningham)
And we would like to share with you
This book of Jesus Christ
Hello, hello, ding dong
Hi ho, just take this book
It's free for you from me you see
You simply won't believe
How much this book will change your life
So you won't burn in
Hello, you're gonna die someday
But if you read this book
You'll see that there's another way
Spend eternity with certain family
We can fully guarantee you
That this book will change your life
The Book of Mormon, Mormon
Hello
10.You ＆ Me (But Mostly Me)
I've always had the hope
That on the day I go to Heaven
Heavenly Father will shake my hand
And say, 'You've done an awesome job, Kevin'
Now it's our time to go out
(My best friend)
And set the world's people free
And we can do it together, you and me
But mostly me
You and me, but mostly me
Are gonna change the world forever
'Cause I can do most everything
(And I can stand next to you and watch)
Every hero needs a sidekick
Every captain needs a mate
(Aye, aye)
Every dinner needs a side dish
(On a slightly smaller plate)
And now we're seeing eye to eye
It's so great, we can agree
That Heavenly Father has chosen you and me
Just mostly me
Something incredible
I'll do something incredible
I wanna be the Mormon
Who changed all of mankind
(My best friend)
Something I've foreseen
Now that I'm nineteen
I'll do something incredible
That blows God's freaking mind
And as long as we stick together
(And I stay out of your way)
Out of my way
(We'll change the world forever
And then tomorrow a Latter-Day)
Mostly me
So quit singing about it and do it
How ready and psyched are we
And life is about to change for you
And life is about to change for me
And life is about to change for you and me
But me mostly
And there's no limit to
What we can do, me and you
But mostly me
11.Man Up
What did Jesus do when they sentenced him to die？
Did he try to run away？ Did he just break down and cry？
No, Jesus dug down deep, knowing what he had to do
When faced with his own death, Jesus knew that he had to
Man up, he had to man up
So he crawled up on that cross, and he stuck it out
And he manned up, Christ, he manned up
And taught us all what real manning up is about
And now it's up to me, and it's time to man up
Jesus had his time to, now it's mine to man up
I'm taking the reins, I'm crossing the bear
And just like Jesus, I'm growing a pair
I've gotta stand up, can't just clam up, it's to man up
'Cause there's a time in your life
When you know you've got to man up
Don't let it pass you by there's just one time to man up
Watch me man up like nobody else
I'm gonna man up all over myself
I've got to get ready, it's time to, time to
What did Jesus do when they put nails through his hands？
Did he scream like a girl, or did he take it like a man？
When someone had to die to save us from our sins
Jesus said, 'I'll do it' and he took it on the chin
He manned up, and manned up
He took a bullet for me and you
That's man up, real man up
And now it's my time to do it too
Time to be a hero and slay the monster
Time to battle darkness, you're not my Father
I wanna time to, just watch me go
Time to stand up and steal the show
Time to, mine to, time to, time to, time to
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
A place of hope and joy
Man up
And if we want to go there
We just have to follow that white boy
Time to
Heavenly Father, why do you let bad things happen？
(Ka-lay-ka Siti)
Did you get my text？
More to the point, why do you let bad things happen to me？
(Ka-lay-ka Siti, we got your text)
I'm sure you don't think I'm a flake
(Man up)
Because you've clearly made a mistake
(Turn it off)
I'm going where you need me most, Orlando
(Orlando)
We will listen to the fat white guy
My time to, time to
Now it's my time to, time to
(But Hasa Diga Eebowai)
No time to, not time to
Now it's time to, time to
(Huh)
I'm in the lead for the very first time
(Time to)
I'm going where the sun always shines
(Shines to)
I've got to stand up, get my flippin' can up
It's time to, time to man up
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Hay ya ya)
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Hay ya ya)
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Turn it off)
Orlando, Orlando
I'm coming
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Hay ya ya)
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
It is time to
I have maggots in my scrotum
12.Joseph Smith American Moses
And now we wish to honor you with
The story of Joseph Smith, the American Moses
Well, this is very good, praise Christ
Mormon
I'm going to take you back in time
(Mormon)
To the United States, 1823
(Mormon)
A small and odd village called Upstate New York
(Upstate)
There was disease and famine
(So sick)
But also in this village lived a simple farmer
Who would change everything
His name was Joseph Smith
Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya Joseph Smith, American Moses
Praise be to Joseph, American prophet man
Aye, my name is Joseph Smith
And I am going to fuck this baby
What？
No no Joseph, don't fuck the baby
Joseph Smith, don't fuck the baby
Suddenly the clouds parted
And Joseph Smith was visited by God
Joseph Smith, do not fuck a baby
I will get rid of your AIDS, if you fuck this frog
Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya
Joseph Smith fucked the frog God gave him
And his AIDS went away
Then a great wizard named Moroni came down
From the Starship Enterprise
Joseph Smith, your village is shit
You shall lead the villagers to a new village
Take these fucking golden plates
Away
And on the plates were written the directions to a new land
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
Joseph tried to convince all the villagers
To follow him and his golden plates
Liberation, equality
No more slavery for Upstate Mormon people
I got de golden plates
(Gold plates)
I'm gonna lead the people
(We head West)
We gotta stick together
(Mormons)
We gotta help each other
(We're Mormons)
And so we climb the mountain
(We head West)
And we cross the river
(We head West)
And we fight the oppression
(Mormons)
By being nice to everyone
(We are Mormons)
Not so fast Mormons, you shall not pass my mountain
Down from the mountain look who comes
The American warlord Brigham Young
Yes, I am Brigham Young
I cut off my daughter's clitoris
That made God angry so he turned my nose
Into a clit for punishment
Brigham Young, his nose was a clitoris
What will you do Joseph, will you fight the clitoris man
Not fight him, help him
Oh
Joseph Smith took his magical fuck frog
And rubbed it upon Brigham Young's clit face
And behold Brigham was cured
Joseph Smith magical AIDS frog
Brigham Young, frog on his clit face
Brigham Young was so grateful
He decided to join the Mormons on their journey
Compassion, cutesy
Let's be really fucking polite to everyone
I got de golden plates
(Gold plates)
I'm gonna lead the people
(We head West)
We gotta stick together
(Mormons)
Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad
(Oh)
After traveling for so long, the Mormons ran out of fresh water
And become sick with dysentery
Water go to the water, water go to the cup
Cup go to the stomach, shit come out the butt
Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
Shit go down the stomach, shit come out the butt
Ugh, oh fuck
Oh no, the prophet Joseph Smith is now getting sick
Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
Cup go to the thirsty, shit go to the stomach
Blood come out the butt, blood go in the water
Water go in the cup, cup go to the tongue
Shit blood in the stomach, shit blood in the mouth
Shit blood on the insides, water come out the butt
Brigham Young you must take the golden plates
And lead the Mormons to the Promised Land
Plghh
Desperation, mortality, loss of faith
I got de golden plates
(Gold plates)
I'm got to lead the people
(We head West)
We gotta stick together
Even though their prophet had died
The Mormons stuck together
And helped each other and were really nice
To everyone they came across
And then one day the Mormons finally found
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
(Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
And there, the Mormons danced with Ewoks
And were greeted by Jesus
Welcome Mormons
Now, let's all have as many babies as we can
And make big Mormon families
Fuck your woman, fuck your man
This is all part of God's plan
Mormons fuck all that they can
We're in Salt Lake City land
Thank you, thank you but now we are fucking
Thank you, thank you, but God wants us fucking
Thank you, thank you, but get back to fucking
Thank you, thank you, God
Joseph Smith fuck frog
Brigham Young clit face
Shit come out the butt
Jesus says fuck, fuck
Mormons
13.Sal Tlay Ka Siti
My mother once told me of a place
With waterfalls and unicorns flying
Where there was no suffering, no pain
Where there was laughter instead of dying
I always thought she'd made it up
To comfort me in times of pain
But now I know that place is real
Now I know it's name
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
Not just a story Momma told
But a village in Utah
Where the roofs are thatched with gold
If I could let myself believe
I know just where I'd be
Right on the next bus to Paradise
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
I can imagine what it must be like
This perfect, happy place
I'll bet the goat meat there is plentiful
And they have vitamin injections by the case
The warlords there are friendly
They help you cross the street
And there's a Red Cross on every corner
With all the flour you can eat
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
The most perfect place on Earth
The flies don't bite your eyeballs
And human life has worth
It isn't a place of fairytales
It's as real as it can be
A land where evil doesn't exist
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
And I'll bet the people are openminded
And don't care who you ？
And all I hope is that when I find it
I'm able to fit in
Will I fit in？
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
A land of hope and joy
And if I want to get there
I just have to follow that white boy
You were right Momma
You didn't lie
The place is real
And I'm gonna fly
I'm on my way
Soon life won't be so shitty
Now salvation has a name
Sal Tlay Ka Siti
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